cosmetics
Star Wars Covergirl Lipstick – a Review and Rant
A long time ago, in a house not that far from here my parents sat me down at the tender age of…like, 5 or something… and told me that there were 3 movies I needed to see in order to grow up to be a decent human being. Those movies were Star Wars Episodes 4, 5, and 6. We watched one each night for 3 nights and they introduced me to a fantasy world that would make a huge impact on my life. And they were extra careful to point out important parts –
“Marina, pay attention! Yoda is about to die.”
“Which ones Yoda?”
“The little green guy.”
“Why is he dying?”
“Um… because hes old.”
10 seconds later
“… well, is he dead yet?”
And from that point on, I was a different kind of person. When all the other girls played pretend and were princesses, I wanted to be Luke Skywalker (or Eleanor Ripley from Alien, but that’s a different blog post – still waiting on that makeup).
Fast forward 22 years later (UGH, i’m old) and you can still see the it. I have an Alliance Starbird decal on the back window of my car, at least three dozen Star Wars shirts in my closet, and an autographed re-print of the original Hildebrandt poster for A New Hope. I’ve got Star Wars Legos, Star Wars socks, Star Wars video games, Star Wars Jewelry, Star Wars head phones, Star Wars key chains, Star Wars pajamas, and am even planning a design for a Star Wars tattoo.
And up until now, all that stuff was really hard to come by, especially as a female. 99% of the Star Wars shirts in my collection came from the men’s clothing section. Earrings were impossible to find unless I ordered them off Etsy, and I couldn’t tell you how excited i’d be if I could find a nice pair of Star Wars underwear. Like… the womens kind.
Star wars has just never been something that has been marketed towards women, which really sucks because I know A LOT of women who love Star Wars – and there is nothing wrong with that. Star Wars isn’t an exclusively masculine thing. Being a Jedi isn’t something only little boys should be interested in. And no, just because I am a girl doesn’t mean I want to play Princess Leia – f$#k you and your metal bikini.
I know it doesn’t pass the Bechdel test, but we all can’t be Mad Max, can we? Its like the entire fandom has ignored half it’s audience based on gender… until now.
STAR WARS MAKEUP, EVERYBODY!
Thank the maker! We have been acknowledged! Its like they know i’m a real person! A real person with a Boba Fettish and an innate desire to paint my lips different colors! Oh, you should have seen me when I spotted the display at Target. I’d been looking for weeks with no success, but that day I felt a disturbance in the force as I lurked in the dollar spot. I zeroed in on the display, and it was over –
“EXCUSEMEYESPLEASEINEEDALLOFTHESETHANKYOU! These ARE the lipsticks I am looking for. You don’t need to see my identification. MOVE ALONG!”
From the second I first saw the announcement from Covergirl on the internet, I had high expectations. This is my whole childhood they’re messing with here. Thinking of all the color possibilities and names had me super excited and I couldn’t wait to get my hands on them.
I was thinking Amidala reds, Vader blacks, ewok nudes, X-wing orange, maybe even a twi’lek green or blue? They had so much to choose from and such great potential for color choices and names! Surely they couldn’t screw it up… right?
…Right, you guys?
You know how everyone was super stoked when Episode 1 came out, and then we got one glance at Jar Jar Binks and heard the word “midichlorians,” and everyone threw up in their mouths? Yeah, that’s how I felt when I saw what Covergirl had to show for the Star Wars license they probably paid so much for.
I’m sorry, but what the f$*k is this?
Covergirl… ha-…have you even seen Star Wars?
WHAT THE F$*K IS THIS $H!T?!
What we have here is the 6 piece line up of lipsticks that Covergirl “partnered with celebrity makeup artist Pat McGrath” to create. I don’t care who this nerf herder is, but I wouldn’t trust him to pull the ears off a gundark. 4 out of the 6 shades in this collection are utterly unwearable. And you want to know the names for the colors?
Silver 10, Lilac 20, Red 30, Gold 40, Purple 50, and Nude 70.
I CAN’T EVEN – WHAT THE – THE NUMBERS DONT EVEN MAKE SENSE! YOU SKIPPED 60! WHY? WHAT. THE. F&*K!
Allow me to model them for you…
I’m so sad, Covergirl. So very, very sad. As I swatched these I felt a great disturbance in the Force, as if millions of fangirls suddenly cried out in terror, and were suddenly silenced. This formula is not opaque or long-lasting. I feel like going with these light, metalic colors was a horrible move. I tried REALLY hard to get them to be opaque and make something of them. I slathered myself in primer and even tried putting a concealer over my lips to see if i could bring out the color more, but that resulted in a muddy, depressing mess.
Some have suggested using the lighter colors over darker shades for effect, but with the way this formula wears it would end up all muddled and you’d have to re-apply almost every half hour. You could literally sneeze this stuff off.
I’ll give credit to the darker red and purple shades. they do have some staining power and the metalic coolness of them makes them very unique, but these will be the only two shades that get to stay on my bathroom counter. The others get frozen in carbonite and banished to my linen closet of makeup fails and crushed dreams.
You’ve failed me for the last time, Covergirl…
Except you haven’t because next I’ll be showing you the Star Wars nail polish they came out with as well! Will they be in any way redeeming? We’ll find out next time…
Battle of the Moisturizers: Contestant #4 Clinique Dramatically Different Moisturizing Lotion+
I am beginning to feel as though I have flung myself haphazardly into a cosmetic maelstrom of chaos and knocked my entire equilibrium astray into a violent quasar. Toners and serums and essences and masks and exfoliators and wipes and LETS TRY ALL THE THINGS RIGHT NOW! Yeah, that was smart.
At this point, my skin is so pissed off that it would break up with me if it could. Our relationship hasn’t been this tumultuous since high school when I had to slather myself in those super acne fighting pads that were so alcoholic they gave you a contact high.
Right now all I want is to NOT look like a pizza-faced 13 year old.
I have to be honest, even at $87 for 1.5oz, LUSH’s Gorgeous is starting to look reeeeally good right about now. Things were so simple between us. After a quick spray with some Tea Tree Water, I’d put it on – my face would smell like tortillas- and that would be it. No acne, no drama, no sacrificing of a small goat. But those were the halcyon days, before the makeups and serums and weird products from other worlds. Before I bought my very own domain and decided to pretend to be a fancy beauty blogger and bribe my friends and family to read the boring shit I have to say about lip stains and Kool-aid. But I digest…
Once more into the breach, dear friends, once more.
(Srsly tho, how many beauty bloggers out there quote Richard III? I’m so fancy)
Clinique Dramatically Different Moisturizing Lotion+
“A luxurious moisturizer that promotes smooth, healthy-looking skin.” – I sure as hell hope so Clinique, I am in no mood. If I so much as hear the word “chelator” from you…
Cost = $26 US
Size = 4.2 fl oz
Extended cost (Cost / Size) = $6.19/oz
Estimated cost per application = $0.12
- Dermatologist-developed formula combines all-day hydration with skin-strengthening ingredients to help skin look younger, longer.
- Helps strengthen skin’s own moisture barrier by 54%, so more moisture stays in.
Thank god, I only have two claims to confirm/debunk. Kind of phoning it in on this one…
Dermatologist-developed formula combines all-day hydration with skin-strengthening ingredients to help skin look younger, longer. – Hydrating and Strengthening? Sure, okay. We’ve got Glycerin which is hydroscopic (meaning it hordes water wherever it can find it) and when combined with other oils is a “cornerstone” of many moisturizers.
FUN FACT: If you’re ever suffering from increased eye pressure for whatever reason and rush yourself to the ER because your eyeball is about to pop out of your head, you will probably be given sweetened glycerin orally because it will suck all the water out of your bulging eye. You may also be given a glycerin suppository if you’re constipated because it will horde all the moisture in your lower intestine and piss off the mucus glands down there and then… well… have fun with that.
We’ve also got petrolatum (petroleum jelly), and sesame oil which is also apparently a skin conditioning agent? This may also be why Clinique chose to give this product a yellow color? But it actually gets its yellow color from Yellow 6 (Sunset Yellow FCF), Yellow 5 (Tartrazine), and Red 33 (D&C Red 33). Both those yellows suck, by the way. Yellow 6 is banned or restricted as a food additive in Norway, Finland and Sweden. And Yellow 5 causes the most allergic and intolerance reactions of all the azo dyes, particularly among asthmatics and those with an aspirin intolerance. Symptoms from tartrazine sensitivity can occur by either ingestion or cutaneous exposure to a substance containing tartrazine. Like, I don’t know, using a moisturizer that has it on your face?
“Helps strengthen skin’s own moisture barrier by 54%, so more moisture stays in.” – We’ve got glyceryl stearate and urea which are both softening lubricants that slow the loss of water by forming a barrier on your skin. Also Cucumber extract which DOES NOT soothe irritation like everyone’s grandmother thinks, its just a skin conditioner.
In addition to these we’ve got your typical preservatives (Hey there, Trisodium EDTA!) and quite a few PH balancers like Triethanolamine.
IMPORTANT FACT: If you are vegan, or are avoiding products that contain animal by-products in them, be advised that this moisturizer has Lanolin Alcohol in it. It is a mix of organic alcohols obtained from the hydrolysis (that’s when you break a molecular bond using water) of lanolin. You know how your hair gets oily if you don’t wash it for a few days? Lanolin is the sheep version of that oil. It’s a sebaceous excretion that is washed out of the wool that is sheared off sheep.
To + or not to +?
TWO Shakespeare references in one blog post? I’m too worldly for this $hit. So, the Dramatically Different Moisturizer’s original formula released in 1968 was reformulated in 2014, that’s when it earned it’s “+.” The reformatting was supposedly to include age and environmental defense – this means anti-wrinkle and anti-oxidant stuff. But apparently they just threw in some soothing agents and skin-repairing Sodium Hyaluronate.
Sodium Hyaluronate is the sodium salt of hyaluronic acid, which is the super-lubricating stuff found in your joints and also in your eyeballs. Your skin has a lot of this stuff when you’re young (it gives your skin volume because it retains water), but levels decline with age. Dermatologists will inject this stuff straight into your skin as an anti-aging treatment.
So that accounts for the anti-aging claim, but wheres the antioxidants to combat those free-radicals causing environmental damage? The only potential antioxidant I found in the ingredient list was barley extract. I say “potential” because the sources I found weren’t really sure if it even works as an antioxidant. I’m so impressed (<- sarcasm).
In Conclusion…
I didn’t hate it and I didn’t love it – but I have to give this guy credit, it didn’t trash my face. AND I dig the $0.12 an application price tag. I’d even discussed this with my mother as she’d thought the $26 price tag was a little steep, but compared to some of the other moisturizers I’ve been testing, this guy is downright affordable.
I’m also trying out a new way of applying moisturizer, because apparently there is all sorts of ritualistic crap about skincare that they don’t teach you in English undergrad or whatever. You’re not supposed to rub in moisturizer, you’re supposed to “pat” it in. You know, like an itchy weave. I watched a few videos on youtube by SignatureSeries and this one detailed the voo-doo technique of patting in moisturizer. There are a lot of other how-to videos on this – some saying to rub it in, some saying pat it, some saying you apply it with the tip of your magic wand… but the lady in the video I linked is wearing a lab coat and that makes me feel comfortable believing in everything she says.
Call me crazy, but I noticed an immediate difference in the effect of this moisturizer when I went from rubbing to patting it in like the lady in the video. All of a sudden my skin ate it and wasn’t so greasy afterwards.
I’d say right now this guy stands at a solid 2nd place after Gorgeous.
Sources
http://www.cosmeticsandtoiletries.com/
Korean Beauty Products – Part #1
I mentioned in my previous blog post about the Fresh – Rose Hydrating Gel Cream that there are some new cool kids in the cosmetics world. Algae and those vibrating face scrubbers being two of them I listed, but the third was one was so whimsical, so disgustingly cute – I had to try some. Luckily for me, the magical world of Amazon Prime made my wish come true. I now present to you – straight outta the makeup bags of thousands of squealing K-Pop fan-girls, Ladies and Gentlemen –
Adorable packaging, irresistible marketing, cute and cuddly characters, weird and unorthodox ingredients? Holy cannoli – if this stuff was meth, I wouldn’t have any teeth left. I was once again inspired by Bunny a.k.a Grav3yardgirl when she did a haul from a Korean beauty supplier. Shortly thereafter I stumbled upon the new Korean Beauty Shop on Amazon – with almost 700 blessed products from the promised land, I was in trouble. This. Stuff. Is. Brilliant. I wanted to try everything, and ordered so many products, I’ll have to break this into two parts. Because not only is it adorable, its affordable. (See what I did there?)
TONYMOLY – Egg Pore Nose Pack, 7 Sheets – $5.98
Just yer basic pore strip as far as I could tell, except its made from EGGS! I saw quite a few products that were made with eggs and they were all geared towards pore cleaning and blackhead elimination. The only downside of this guy? It smells AWFUL! Like week old scrambled eggs someone spritzed perfume on. Yuck. And the fact that it sits right on your nose doesn’t make that any easier to handle.
I’d say they work as well as any pore strip I’ve bought stateside, but they’re probably a little cheaper. Pretty good deal if you can stand the smell.
TONYMOLY- I’m real mask, 11 sheets – $14.27
This was a steal. Seriously. If you are inclined to try any of the products I’m showing you, this should be it. The TONYMOLY face masks are sold in the pre-register line traps at Sephora in packs of 2 for $7.50. They also sell them at Urban Outfitters for $4 each. I got 11 of them, one of each kind they make, for $14. So you can buy them at Urban Outfitters for $4 each, Sephora for $3.75 each, or Amazon for $1.29. There should be no question in your mind.
I love all the different kinds, and they each are touted to do different things: Avocado gives you nutrition, rice clears your skin, red wine clears your pores, ect. There’s even a broccoli one (which does NOT smell like broccoli) that gives you “vitality.” I could care less if all that’s true, they make your skin feel great either way and they’re adorably awesome. I definitely will be ordering these guys again.
Innisfree – No Sebum Mineral Pact – $10
I like how these Korean products don’t beat around the bush. They don’t use dainty words like “oil control” or “shine control.” No. Straight up “NO SEBUM.” I like it. And boy, does this little guy deliver.
I’ve been using it to set (that means you put a powder on top of a liquid to make it stick, the more you know) what contouring and/or foundation I put on the oilier parts of my face -see post #1 The Battle of the Moisturizers for a topographical map. It does a fantastic job of keeping those areas matte and leaves my skin feeling very soft. I also carry it around with me when I wear a full face of makeup for periodic re-mattefying. This is another product that I will be purchasing again.
The Face Shop – Chia Seed Sebum Control Moisture Cream – $15.94
And here we have our much anticipated new contestant for the Battle of the Moisturizers! Made with chia seeds (of the chia pet variety), this guy has quite a few positive reviews and is very affordable.
Its currently in line behind the Dior Dreamskin for testing, so I can’t really say much about it, but it sure smells good! I did try it once just to have a whack at it and It made my skin a little tight? It almost made my skin feeling a little squeaky? I dunno, my official opinion will have to wait for after testing.
We’ll be breaking this guy down in the usual way once it gets it turn to do its thing on my face – stay tuned!
The Face Shop – Protect Me Hand Cream – $9.98
I don’t even need to say anything about this one. Just look at it. Freaking look at it. This stuff could smell like week-old mayonnaise and I’d still carry it around with me.
It super doesn’t smell like week old mayonnaise tho, it smells amazing.
LOOK AT IT! I bought 2 and gave one as a gift. I haven’t even used it because I don’t want to. Its too cute for me to use. I got the avocado kind, but there are also cocoa butter and mango scents. I will be purchasing both of those as well. Don’t judge me.
Another thing to note, they did just start carrying the cocoa butter version of this guy (along with a few TONYMOLY and other Korean Beauty products) at Urban Outfitters for $12.
TONYMOLY – Panda’s Dream So Cool Eye Stick – $6.98
Another TONYMOLY product you can get on Amazon for half of what Urban Outfitters is selling it for. I was super expecting this to be menthol-y, like you normally would with any product in the US that is supposed to be “cooling.” WRONG! Zero menthol smell, no awkward stinging feeling, just cooling!
I first tried it on the back of my hand and almost jumped out of my desk chair. I then went around and smudged it on all my male co-workers (I wasn’t discriminating, they’re all male, everyone got smudged fairly) and they were equally taken aback… but that may have been because I was chasing them with a little panda stick. I like to use this when I first get up in the morning. I also imagine it would be rather soothing the next time I get a cold.
Etude House – My Beauty Tool – Lovely Etti Hair Band – $5.36
And I got a hair band. With cat ears.
CAT.
EARS.
OMFGWTFBBQKFC!!!1!!!ONE!!!!!!!!!!!
I don’t have to explain myself to you people.
We’ll that’s it for part #1! Stick around for part #2 where I obsess over more adorable products made by the Korean gods of cuteness!
ipsy Glam Bag Review – September 2015
Its monthly present time again, hot diggity daffodil! This months bag was slightly bigger than last months to allow for the full-sized drugstore hair product that I have mixed feelings about. We got some lotions, we got some eye shadows, we got some eyebrow… goop. And I tested it all out – lets have a look!
It Puts the Lotion on it’s skin…(First Aid Beauty Ultra Repair® Cream)
Who doesn’t need a mini tube of lotion to carry around in their purse? This little guy is pretty okay. Its supposed to provide ” intense hydration for dry parched skin.” I found that its one of those lotions that leaves a soft, powdery feeling behind – like those lotions Victoria’s Secret sold back in the 90’s (they may still sell them now, too lazy and don’t care enough to check). Though, with a name like “First Aid Beauty,” I was really expecting this lotion to be a bit more… medicinal? I was thinking it might be a good one to use for post-tattoo care, but definitely has a scent which isn’t bueno for putting on irritated skin. The only place I could think of to use this guy and test its hydrating abilities was my ankles. For some ungodly reason in the last few years of my life I have developed increasingly dry skin on my ankles- I guess its part of my body falling apart because i’m old. It really didn’t help that much, but i’ll still keep it in my purse for when my hands get dry.
Eyelid Coloring Powders
(NYX Cosmetics ipsy Eye Shadow Trio)
This was probably my most favorite thing out of this month’s bag. A very well matched eye shadow trio that makes a smoky eye really hard to mess up (mind you, that means a lot coming from me.) This stuff blended very well and was decently pigmented. I used it for this 90’s grunge look I got goin’ on. All I was missing was a scrunchie from Claire’s and a clothes pin earring.
Hair stuff I could get at the grocery store (Garnier Fructis SLEEK & SHINE SLEEK PRIMER STYLE PREP)
I wasn’t really expecting ipsy to send me a sample of something I could get at CVS, but I am pretty pleased that I got a full-sized product that costs about $4.50 in my glam bag. Very nice, much wow. From what I could tell, this product is intended for use both with and without heat styling options, but it seemed like it really wanted me to use it with some kind of heat. Since we all know how I feel about blow dryers, I spritzed this in my wet hair on hair washin’ day and flat-ironed it. Here we see the result. Not really impressed off the bat – this guy is supposed to sleek and shine your hair, not frizz and poof it. In it’s defense, my hair always gets like this as a form of protest on hair washin’ day, but I feel like a product like this should work against that? I dunno, a day later I am seeing some lasting sleek and shiny-ness now that my scalp has re-oiled itself. I’m willing to give this a try a few more times.
Too light for me eyebrow goop
(Elizabeth Mott Queen of the Fill Tinted Eyebrow Gel)
I am relatively new to the eyebrow scene and have yet to master this “slaying” everyone on the internet talks about. Its safe to say that my proverbial “eyebrow game” is not “on fleek” (I don’t know what it means, look it up on Urban Dictionary if you’re curious). So this is the first tinted eyebrow gel I have tried. I may be a n00b at this, but I’m pretty sure you need this goop to actually match the color of your eyebrows, mine were a tad too dark for the goop – which admittedly had a milk-chocolate mousse color about it. It made me kind of hungry.
Bronze-y eyeface pencil(J. Cat Beauty #MOTD Waterproof Slide on Pencil for Eyes in Bronze)
Ooh, another full-sized product! That makes 3 in this glam bag if you count the eye shadow. I am pleased. This is a metalic bronze eyeliner with some serious staying power. I had to scrub a bit with my e.l.f. makeup removing wipes to get this swatch off of my hand. I haven’t really devised a way to go about using this eyeliner. I have never had a bronze colored eyeliner before. Perhaps I’ll look at what some other people who got this in their bags have done with it.
In Conclusion
I am so much more pleased with what I have gotten in these ipsy bags so far than what I ever got in my Birchbox boxes. This one had two full-sized products in it! I think this month’s bag was made a little longer than usual to accommodate for the full-sized Garnier thing. I was slightly disappoint because it seems like in transit, the Garnier hair thing was spritzed somehow and as a result the inside of my bag and all it’s contents were saturated in hair stuff. It didn’t damage anything, but product compromisation was never an issue with Birchbox and it made the packaging and skipping seem a little sub-par.
$30 Cocoon Lip Stain Peel Vs. Kool-Aid Concoction
I have always preferred lip stains to lip gloss and lip stick for practical reasons. It wont smudge or smear everywhere if I forget i’m wearing it and wipe my mouth with my sleeve (ya know, like a lady), it doesn’t bleed all over my face, and it doesn’t need to be re-applied post-burrito. I can appreciate that. Not to mention I feel like it looks more natural -like I was born with flushed, rosy lips, thank you very much. I am also a pretty big fan of unusual products, ones with strange ingredients or unorthodox methods of application. So I was super excited when I found this guy – a lip stain with an unconventional twist? Score.
Cailyn Cosmetics Cocoon Lip Stain, Pink Desire
I saw a demo of this product done by Bunny A.K.A Grav3yardgirl and I thought it was so weird, I just had to try it. You can watch her demo here.
This stuff is a lip stain with a texture very similar to that of the gel candies you can get in those squeezy tubes (my favorite was sour apple). You brush it on your lips and wait 10 minutes, it acts like one of those peel-off face masks in that it dries and you then peel it off, leaving behind a stain with “10 hour staying power.”
At $22 from the Cailyn Cosmetics website and $26 on Amazon, its a tad pricey. The Orange color seemed to work pretty well for Bunny, so I had high hopes for myself. Its supposed to come with it’s own little brush, but mine did not so I used a regular lipstick brush.
Oh my god, it was so weird. I brushed it on as precisely as I could and then stood there for 10 minutes while the goo cured on my face. Protip: keep your mouth open while it dries so your lips don’t stick together. As you can see on the right, I wasn’t too enthralled with the result.
Really $25 lip stain? Really? Not impressed. I’ve drank cups of Kool-Aid that cost $0.20 that stained my mouth better than this stuff…
And that’s when it hit me… Kool-Aid! As countless after-school care Latchkey kids and their unfortunate laundry-doing parents know – NOTHING stains like Kool-Aid! People dye their hair, fabric, and yarn with Kool-Aid! I had seen people on Pinterest melt lip balms in the microwave and mix Kool-Aid in to add some tint, hell even I saw some people straight up rub the powder on their lips (eww). But I had something better in mind, I would create a Kool-Aid lip stain masque to challenge the likes of Cailyn Cosmetics in a side-by-side, lip to lip battle! And with that, I gathered my weapons.
I really just guessed on the ingredients, I didn’t want to just melt down another lip balm and mix – that has been done before and I wasn’t really going for a balm. I wanted to create a masque that would go on thick, stay put, and stain to my hearts content until I wiped or licked it off. I figured coconut oil because its relatively solid at room temperature, so it would spread thick and moisturize, almond oil in case the coconut oil was too thick, and sugar because I might want it to double as a scrub (and this was unsweetened Kool-Aid, so I didn’t want it to taste gross).
I went to Target and found a set of TSA approved travel containers that came with two little lip-balm sized pots to put my creation in. I sanitized it first by washing it and then wiping the inside with rubbing alcohol.
As any Knitter, painter, or crafts-person in general knows – when in doubt, swatch it out. To test out what colors I had to work with I sprinkled a little powder of each on a paper towel and added a couple of drops of water to see what the colors diffused into. I couldn’t really tell a difference between Cheery and Tropical Punch, the picture may not show it, but it seemed like Tropical Punch was a tad more orangy-red. Grape mostly diffused as blue and it wasn’t until I added more water that the reddish part came out and made it look a little…purple brown? I decided to stick with Cherry and Tropical Punch and save the grape for another time.
I definitely did not steal this little ramekin from Chili’s, how dare you even think that.
I mixed the Tropical Punch and the Cherry together and added about 2 teaspoons of it, a tablespoon of coconut oil, a dash of Almond oil, and a sprinkle of sugar to this thing and put it in the microwave for 8-10 seconds to melt the oils and give me an even consistency.
And the 1st try is definitely a fail.
Oil gets very hot, it headed up the sugar. You know what happens when sugar gets hot? It melts and doesn’t mix with oil. So I made a lump of cherry punch candy that wouldn’t work as a lip masque, but stained the ever-living Christ out of everything it touched.
At least I was on the right track.
I quickly decided to 86 the sugar. If I wanted this to work as a stain, adding an exfoliant was a dumb idea. You would just end up exfoliating off the skin that was just stained. No bueno.
I also noticed that oil doesn’t dissolve the Kool-Aid mix, which meant I wasn’t really getting an effective color payoff. So I first diluted it in a little dash of water before adding the coconut and almond oil. I zapped it for about 8 seconds in the microwave to completely melt the coconut oil and give me a smooth consistency, then sat the ramekin in a bowl of salted Ice water and stirred constantly until the oil re-solidified.
And Voila! A soft mass of highly-pigmented coconut-almond oil ready for packaging and testing.
I even got super creative with the little pot I put it in. Someone call Sephora, I have a new product to pitch.
To make myself look extra ridiculous, I drew a fancy line with some black eyeliner right down the middle of my face after carefully applying the two products to half of my lips. I then set a timer for 10 minutes and let them do their thing.
And here is the immediate result, with the Cailyn Cocoon on the left and my Kool-Aid concoction on the right. The Cocoon is definitely more of a pink shade whereas I went more red with the Kool-Aid. I could definitely see more pigmentation with the Kool-Aid side, but both sides felt very moisturized.
I’ll tell you what though, the Kool-Aid tasted absolutely HORRIBLE. That side of my mouth was so awkward and sour and kind of tingly? I don’t really want to add sugar, but mayhaps I could add some Splenda? Though I am not sure how that may effect the consistency.
So this is how dedicated I am to beauty science. I went out to dinner with my boyfriend like this, with two different colored lips. I took this picture on the left once I stepped outside because he noted that in the different light you could especially tell the difference.
So. Fabulous. Starting a new trend.
In Conclusion
And this was the result about 6 hours later. I totally feel like I win on this one. The red Kool-Aid side is still pretty red, whereas the pink Cocoon side is basically flesh colored at this point. Mind you this was 6 hours, a cheeseburger, fries, and a chocolate malt later.
I WIN! I AM FABULOUS!
I don’t mean to toot own horn here, but I am very pleased. I might even actually use my Kool-Aid concoction again. Its an effective stain in a flattering red color and is very nourishing, I just gotta work on the flavor of it. That was the only gross part.
Sorry Cocoon lip stain, you’ve been upstaged.
P.S. – No joke, this stuff stains everything.
Battle of the Moisturizers: Contestant #1 Fresh – Rose Hydrating Gel Cream
The Rose Hydrating Gel Cream from Fresh was not one of the products suggested to me by Hal 9000 The Sephora Skincare IQ, but was suggested by the kindly computer slave Sephora Lady, and I was able to pick a sample of it up in the fancy Customized Skincare Favorites Bag. Field testing and ingredient analysis for this, the first contestant in the Battle of the Moisturizers has completed, so lets begin –
Hot diggity daffodil, did this stuff smell lovely! I don’t think I have ever smelled a better moisturizer, but what do I know about smells – we’ve already discussed how LUSH’s Gorgeous smells like tortillas to me (I’ve had a cat scan, its not brain cancer). That’s the biggest thing that stuck out to me, but lemmie give you some facts:
Fresh – Rose Hydrating Gel Cream 
Cost = $42 US
Size = 1.6 fl oz
Extended cost (Cost / Size) = $26.25/oz
Estimated cost per application = $0.52
Here’s how I figured that part out: The sample I received was 0.16 fl oz and this was enough for 9 days with one application per day, that meant I was using approximately 0.02 fl oz a day. Divide that by the full size and it came out to about 80 applications, and $42 into 80 meant each application would cost me about $0.52.
And here is what the Fresh website has to say about what this product is supposed to do:
- Rosewater helps to soothe and rose flower oil and jojoba oil help to nourish.
- Porphyridium cruentum, a “smart” algae, helps to deliver optimum moisture.
- Angelica leaf extract is known to improve moisture-retention.**
- Rhodiola root extract is a protective antioxidant.**
- Hyaluronic acid helps attract and maintain moisture to restore suppleness.
- Cucumber extract helps to calm and cool the skin.
** = In Vivo/In Vitro – experiments that are performed with cells or biological molecules studied outside their normal biological context, this means the research and testing behind these claims was done in a test tube, and not necessarily seen on someone’s face. That being said, I could not find any information as to if this product is free of animal testing.
I’m going to break down each item on the list of things it’s supposed to do, then i’ll go into what I felt it did for me.
“Rosewater helps to soothe and rose flower oil and jojoba oil help to nourish.”
I’m gonna say affirmative on the Jojoba oil. I found several credible sources confirming, with documentation, that Jojoba oil enhances the skin’s ability to repair itself, stand up to UV radiation, stimulate collagen (apparently that’s a good type of goo your skin makes), and provide topical anti-inflammatory benefits. The rosewater – has a lot of antimicrobial activities and is expensive because of it’s low oil content. The rose flower oil, however? Listed as Rosa Damascena Flower Oil in their ingredients, is a fragrant, volatile oil that can be a skin irritant and sensitizer. There is no research showing this has any benefit for skin. Maybe they added it for the smell? I dunno, but it definitely didn’t seem like something that would “nourish.” I’d rather a moisturizer not irritate my skin than smell nice.
“Porphyridium cruentum, a “smart” algae, helps to deliver optimum moisture.”
“Meh, maybe not” on this one. Algae seems to be the new cool kid in cosmetics, it hangs out with those adorable Korean beauty products and the weird Clarisonic face vibrators. This particular type of algae is derived from a red algae. There is research showing that it has some fatty acids and polysaccharides that are “skin friendly, but whether or not the entire red algae extract provides benefit when applied topically on skin has not been proven.
“Angelica leaf extract is known to improve moisture-retention.**”
Angelica Keiskei Extract, as its listed in the ingredients, has been labeled as an emollient by the European Commission. According to that same source its also an Antioxidant, astringent, and has skin conditioning and skin protecting properties. Thumbs up!
“Rhodiola root extract is a protective antioxidant.**”
Rhodiola Crenulata Root Extract does just that. Also an astringent and skin-conditioning agent.
“Hyaluronic acid helps attract and maintain moisture to restore suppleness.”
Correct again. Sodium Hyaluronate enhances the appearance of dry or damaged skin by reducing flaking and restoring suppleness
“Cucumber extract helps to calm and cool the skin.”
Negative, ghost rider. Claims of cucumber having anti-inflammatory or soothing properties are hokum, as there is no research to support this claim. However, there is research showing the lutein component of cucumber can have an effect on suppressing melanogenesis, or the process that leads to skin discolorations. Additional in-vitro research has shown that the constituents in cucumber can help protect skin against carcinogenic substances.
So…
It gets 4/6 of its promises confirmed. But honestly, i’m not too pleased with what else I found about its ingredients. Aside from it’s headliners, this gel cream has other run-of-the mill ingredients like some slip agents (helps you spread it around), a few other moisturizers, some elumsifiers (helps things mix), and Glyceryl Oleate Citrate, Citronellol, and Geraniol provide more fragrance. Those are all fine and dandy, but who invited Tetrasodium EDTA to the party? This guy is listed as a preservative and a penetration enhancer. That means its “reversibly” damages the top surfaces of your skin so that whatever its mixed with can absorb deeper. Its allegedly made from a couple carcinogens and the internet is a garbled mess about wither its safe or not.
Its also got CI 19140 (Yellow 5) , CI 14700 (Red 4) , and CI 15985 (Yellow 6). These are artificial colors, the latter 2 being restricted as a food additive in Europe. Red 4 is currently only allowed in the US for drugs, cosmetics, and one food… maraschino cherries. Apparently those are considered a “decoration” and not a food and that’s why its allowed. Yeah, won’t ask for those in my whiskey sour anymore. If the FDA says I don’t need it in my body, then I don’t need it on my face either.
Overall
This gel cream left my face oily. Even left to absorb overnight, my t-zone was slick and shiny. I did break out with about 3 large, painful zits in places on my face I don’t usually get them while using this guy. I feel like I had a little more half-way-through-the-day makeup separation than usual. There wasn’t much “calming” going on, and for $0.52 per application, it did not do anything spectacular for my face.
I am so sorry Fresh Rose Hydrating Gel Cream, but you can sashay away. You’ve been cut. You are the weakest link. YOU’RE FIRED. We will be pursuing other applicants at this time. Its not me, its you.
Fortunately, and much to my excite, as we kick this gel cream from the running, a new mystery contestant has appeared and entered the ring! It is being shipped from the mysterious lands of Amazon and will be featured in a haul post once I piece together all the separate shipments of goodies I’m getting. ITS GONNA BE AWESOME!
Sources
ipsy Glam Bag Review – August 2015
I got a fancy thing and it is super cool! Many moons ago I was subscribed to Birchbox and it was pretty fun, It was like getting a little random present every month. But I believe that those were the early days of the subscription box trend – now there are so many out there with so many different things that you could basically get one for every day of the month if you wanted. I discontinued my Birchbox subscription because I just kept getting samples I wasn’t at all interested in trying, there was no way to customize what you got.
So I just recently signed up for Ipsy and I have high hopes. You get to take a fancy quiz and one of the questions was even “How comfortable are you with using makeup?” Perfect – I could tell them upfront that I am a complete idiot and have no idea what I’m doing! This is my very first “Glam Bag” (already an improvement over getting a cardboard box every month), and here’s what I got –
Not as Yellow as I Expected Mask
(JUARA Skincare – Turmeric Antioxidant Radiance Facial Mask)
When I saw “Tumeric,” I was expecting this mask to be super yellowy-orange and I was kind of disappoint when it was just a pale peach. I really wanted it to be like orange face paint. It’s got the consistency of a thick body lotion or butter which I really hate when it comes to face masks because it makes them SUPER hard to get off. This mask was a little stingy, which also isn’t my favorite thing. I want a mask to feel cooling and calming, not like I just rubbed icy hot all over my face. It was because of this that I was concerned it would irritate my confused skin, but I noticed no redness or blemishes the next day – it really just left me feeling moisturized without oiliness. There was enough in this sample tube for one application, it went on very thick and I had to use the whole thing to cover my whole face. Its recommended you use it 1-3 times a week, so it would have been nice to get a sample with enough for at least 2 applications.
I looked up some of the medicinal/topical uses for Tumeric and did find that it’s active compound curcumin is BELIEVED to have anti-inflammatory, antioxidant, antitumour, antibacterial, and antiviral benefits but I didn’t find any records from clinical trials, so I’m gonna file all of that under “meh, maybe.”
Purple Cement Nail Polish (Trust Fund Beauty – Nail Polish in Elegantly Wasted)
Okay, I was super stoked to get what is essentially a full-size nail polish in this bag. Very like. Much wow. But the color? In certain lights it looks cute and eastery-purple… but in most lights it looks like I painted my nails with dingy cement. And boy did this stuff SMELL – mind you I am aware that it is not unusual for nail polish to smell a little chemical-y, but for something that’s touted as being non-toxic, vegan, and “7 Free” (that apparently means it doesn’t have 7 scary-sounding chemicals that I am assuming are found in normal nail polish?), it was rather pungent. Much smellier than regular nail polish. It also had some serious chippage after only about 48 hours of wear, but that’s probably my fault for not applying a top coat. I don’t think I’d buy it, but I’m definitely not going to throw it away. I think the band and color name is rather clever (heck I wanna be “Elegantly Wasted,” that sounds awesome) and I can probably layer the color with something else to make it more wearable.
Red Eyeface Pencil
(Skone Cosmetics – Luxe Doubler Eye/Lip Pencil in Wine)
This was my favorite thing of all the things! I really dig it. Another full-size product. 2 in one bag? I am pleased. I felt this was a very good color for my skin tone, its somewhere between wine and rose – a rosé perhaps? It wasn’t chalky and stiff like I’ve noticed other lip liners to be – mayhaps because it can also be used as an eyeliner? How about that – a twofer! Honestly, unless I was going for the I-just-cried-my-eyes-out-for-three-hours-because-I-watched-Bambi look, I would never use a red eyeliner. I wore it under a tinted balm and it blended nicely, but the color on the inner parts of my lips did fade a bit after about 2 hours and a Latte
Hobbit Lipstick! (noyah – Natural Lipstick in Desert Rose)
I could care less about the color – THIS. THING. IS. ADORABLE! Its miniature! It’s like the lipstick a hobbit lady would have in her purse on her way to the Green Dragon for a half-pint! Its what a feisty dwarf woman would have tucked between her enormous breasts for a date in Erebor (before Smaug trashed the place. <-Nerd) I have never seen a lipstick sample packaged like this… but that may be because I’ve never had a lipstick sample? Again – idiot, no idea what I’m doing.
It didn’t look too great with my skin tote, kinda made my lips disappear into the rest of my face. But it wasn’t too bad layered over the aforementioned red Eyeface pencil (that shot not pictured).
Spiked Gingerale Hair Stuff
(Briogeo – Blossom & Bloom ™ Ginseng + Biotin Volumizer)
Not kidding. Smelled like ginger ale with a tip of white rum and maybe some orange liquor? Freaking yum. I wished my car smelled like this stuff. What’s it for again? Oh yeah…
So, I was unable to properly field-test this guy because you’re supposed to spritz it on wet hair before you blow-dry and… I do not own a blow-dryer. Actually, I hate blow-dryers. With a passion. They’re loud, they’re hot, they make me all sweaty, my arm hurts after a while holding them up, and I inevitably clock myself in the head with the scorching hot end. Nothing like goose-egg to go with those victory rolls (Lol, oh Marina, like you can actually do victory rolls. Shut up). I would rather hop in my car and drive to Circle K for a Polar Pop with my head stuck out the window than blow dry my hair.
So I did the best I could and on hair-washin’ day I sprayed it in my freshly washed, still damp hair. This is how it looked straight outta bed the next morning. A little more volume than usual perhaps? Sure smelled good. I dunno, maybe I’ll give this to someone who has a better relationship with blow-dryers and see what they think.
In Conclusion
I’m a fan. I already like this subscription service way more than Birchbox. I like that it comes in a not-too-shabby bag instead of a box – those Birchbox boxes piled up after a while. I used them as gift boxes, but I feel like I’ll have more uses for these bags. I paid $10/month for Birchbox and it’s the same for Ipsy, but I feel like I am getting more full-sized products with Ipsy than I did with Birchbox, and I really like that I took a quiz and review the products I get on their website to help them better tailor what they send to me. Already excited for my random present bag next month!
How 2: "Girl" 